Emily Rath

Take On Me

This is my favorite music video of all time. My dad has always said the woman reminds him of me 🙂 What a compliment!

Listen

“I Don’t Wanna Go On With You Like That”

Incredible music video by Elton John, Reg Strikes Back, 1988.

“I’ve always said that one’s enough to love
Now I hear you’re bragging one is not enough
Well, someone tells me you’re not satisfied
You got plans to make me one of four or five

I guess this kind of thing’s just in your blood
But you won’t catch me carving up my love
I ain’t no puzzle piece that needs to fit
If it takes more than me, let’s call it quits

‘Cause I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Don’t wanna be a feather in your cap
I just don’t wanna tell you honey I ain’t mad
But I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Woah, woah, woah, oh yeah

It gets so hard sometimes to understand
This vicious circle’s getting out of hand
Don’t need an extra eye to see
That the fire spreads a faster in a breeze

And I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Don’t wanna be a feather in your cap
I just don’t wanna tell you honey I ain’t mad
But I don’t wanna go on with you like that

No I don’t wanna go on with you like that
One more set of boots on your welcome mat
You’ll just have to quit them if you want me back
‘Cause I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah

Oh, if you wanna spread it around, sister that’s just fine
But I don’t want no second hand feeding me lines
If you wanna hold someone in the middle of the night
Call out the guards, turn out the light

And I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Don’t wanna be a feather in your cap
I just don’t wanna tell you honey I ain’t mad
But I don’t wanna go on with you like that

No I don’t wanna go on with you like that
One more set of boots on your welcome mat
You’ll just have to quit them if you want me back
No, I don’t wanna go on with you like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna”

“Suffer the Children”

Tonight I went to bed at 10 and woke up to my own strained voice, shouting, “Mama!  Mama!”  Every dream I am crying out to her for help.  And she’s not hearing me.  I’m walking in the dark downstairs trying to find a blanket.  Something was scary, and wrong in the house, in my room.  So Carrie and I were moving into her room in the middle of the night.  It was huge.  We spread blankets out on the floor.  But they didn’t have enough for me.  And I didn’t have a nightgown.  I didn’t have something to wear to protect me, or blankets to keep me warm.  So I went downstairs.  It was creepy, lit by just a tiny light I was carrying, with shadows and messes everywhere, piles of things in the dining room and hallway coming out of the dark.  I still couldn’t find something to wear.  I got scared.  It felt like someone was there.  I ran up the stairs.  I leaned over the bannister because I heard someone.  And I saw him, in a grey hoodie.  He was tall and large, moving quickly to the door of the kitchen, I started screaming for my mom but she didn’t hear me, or believe that we were in danger, even though I was right in front of her bedroom door.  And I woke up.  Trying and failing to scream.

My heart racing and eyes wide, there was no way I could lull myself to sleep so the next few hours I spent reading about recurring nightmares and how to stop them.  Exercise.  Don’t eat before bed.  Don’t drink alcohol.  Don’t eat sugar.  Cut down on caffeine. Play more.  All of the things I have tried to do again and again but sometimes relapse into an average life of eating sugar and having a glass of wine before bed.  I feel though, like I have given up everything.  Dancing.  Singing.  Studies.  I’m suffocating.  I am robbing myself of life and freedom by living with my mother.  I didn’t had these dreams while living alone, or with roommates.  It has only been since moving home that these have inflicted my every week.  However, I know this is a transition, a period in my life of what feels like confinement, while I address my future.  It does not make sense to sign a lease on an apartment for a few months if I am about to move out of the country.  So at this time, I must keep my heart open, take care of my needs, and listen to the nightmares that return.

It is always a burglar.  Sometimes his purpose is not to steal, but to murder me.  Dreams about burglary can mean “feeling that something has been taken from you without being able to control it.”  Feeling dishonest and sneaky.  It can mean feelings of insecurity about losing power or stability.  Feeling violated on a personal,  emotional level or material level. All of these apply to me.  It’s like a mound of feelings with thousands of layers of earth, each different, deeper and deeper, and my vines are struggling to grow until I give them the nutrients they need.  My therapist told me I have all of these emotions that I am not letting out, and that I must express myself creatively.  I feel like I may explode.  So through reading other’s poetry, lyrics, novels… I find inspiration.  These lyrics are very close to how I feel… a feeling of neglect, sadness, and nightmares.

 “It’s a sad affair
When there’s no one there
He calls out in the night
And it’s so unfair
At least it seems that way
When you gave him his life

And all this time he’s been getting you down
You ought to pick him up when there’s no one around
And convince him
Just talk to him
’cause he knows in his heart you won’t be home soon
He’s an only child in an only room
And he’s dependent on you
Oh he’s dependent on you

And it seems so strange
That at the end of the day
Making love can be so good
But the Pain of birth
What is it worth
When it don’t turn out the way it should

And all this time he’s been getting you down
You ought to pick him up when there’s no one around
And convince him
Just talk to him
’cause he knows in his heart you won’t be home soon
He’s an only child in an only room
And he’s dependent on you
Oh, he’s dependent on you

…Suffer, suffer the children”

-Tears for Fears, 1981

“Hey You”

“Hey you, out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old
Can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles
Can you feel me?
Hey you, don’t help them to bury the light
Don’t give in without a fight

Hey you out there on your own
Sitting naked by the phone
Would you touch me?
Hey you with you ear against the wall
Waiting for someone to call out
Would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I’m coming home

But it was only fantasy
The wall was too high
As you can see
No matter how he tried
He could not break free
And the worms ate into his brain

Hey you, out there on the road
Always doing what you’re told
Can you help me?
Hey you, out there beyond the wall
Breaking bottles in the hall
Can you help me?
Hey you, don’t tell me there’s no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall”

-Pink Floyd, The Wall, 1979

“The Living Years”

 

 

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it
He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts

So don’t yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

I wasn’t there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

 

“Mad World”

“All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world”

-Tears For Fears, The Hurting, 1982

“Shout”

“Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I’m talking to you
Come on

In violent times
You shouldn’t have to sell your soul
In black and white
They really really ought to know

Those one track minds
That took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye
You shouldn’t have to jump for joy
You shouldn’t have to jump for joy

Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I’m talking to you
Come on

They gave you life
And in return you gave them hell
As cold as ice
I hope we live to tell the tale
I hope we live to…

Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I’m talking to you
Come on

And when you’ve taken down your guard
If I could change your mind
I’d really love to break your heart
I’d really love to…

Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I’m talking to you
Come on”

-Tears For Fears, Songs from the Big Chair, 1984

Watt

“The long blue days, for his head, for his side, and the little paths for his feet, and all the brightness to touch and gather. Through the grass the little mosspaths, bony with old roots, and the trees sticking up, and the flowers sticking up, and the fruit hanging down, and the white exhausted butterflies, and the birds never the same darting all day long into hiding. And all the sounds, meaning nothing. Then at night rest in the quiet house, there are no roads, no streets any more, you lie down by a window opening on refuge, the little sounds come that demand nothing, ordain nothing, explain nothing, propound nothing, and the short necessary night is soon ended, and the sky blue again all over the secret places where nobody ever comes, the secret places never the same, but always simple and indifferent, always mere places, sites of a stirring beyond coming and going, of a being so light and free that it is as the being of nothing.”

-Samuel Beckett, Watt, 1953

“Happy Idiot”

“Stuck in the shade
Where there’s no sunshine
I don’t wanna play
With them other kids in the sun

Since you left me babe
It’s been a long way down
Yea you left me babe
It’s been a long way down

What you don’t know won’t hurt you yea
Ignorance is bliss
I’m a happy idiot
Waving at cars
I’m gonna bang my head to the wall
‘Till I feel like nothing at all
I’m a happy idiot
To keep my mind off you

Stuck in a daze and I’ve lost my mind
I don’t wanna stay
Where the blame’s all mine

Since you left me babe
It’s been a long way down
Yea you left me babe
It’s been a long way down

So I shut it off
So I shut it all off
So I shut it off
So I shut it all off

It’s been a long way down
It’s been a long way down

What you don’t know won’t hurt you yea
Ignorance is bliss
I’m a happy idiot
Waving at cars
I’m gonna bang my head to the wall
‘Till I feel like nothing at all
I’m a happy idiot
To keep my mind off you
To keep my mind off you
To keep my mind off you”

-TV on the Radio, Seeds, 2014

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